The Starbloom Travecy! Chapter 1.1
Jul. 24th, 2014 02:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tigeranne
I couldn't resist the temptation. Sorry guys, because you're going to lose a few braincells if you choose to read this. As the title suggests, it's a travesty of a legacy, exactly the kind you'd find on the Exchange in the old days. (And which you can probably still find on TSR if you look.)
I'm posting this before the updates to the real legacies, but I don't think there are any spoilers. Needless to say, this will not be written in my usual style. I actually can't bring myself to be this stupid, so I have hired a Narrator to do it for me. She will tell the story with lots of passion. Warning for abusive relationship, I guess...
HiiiiIIii! I'm the Naerrator!!? I'm going to tell this story and it's going to be the best story I have told and very sadness. :D :(
No this isn't ME LOL! This is Aylatani Cordelia Dakota Moonflower Starbloom. Her friends call her Tani, but she gets really MAD if anyone calls her Ayla. She's 50% Elf, 20% Fairy, 10% Hobbit, 5% Japanese, 17% Native American, 40& Mermaid and 15% Alien. She has a tragic past she doesn't want to talk about. Now she has run away from home to become a pop star and be famous and beautiful.
Poor Tani's really poor!
She lives on a field with lots of furniture she's taken from dumpsters. That's her mean neighbor's housee in the back. She hatesssss him sooooo much!!!
One morning Tani watched the news, and they talked about this scary serial killer who was on the loose. She got really scarred.
Pink is her favorite color. She loves pink!
Suddenly a weird guy came down the road. He had a newspaper.
Guy: You need to read the newspaprt.
Tani: Ok.
Suddenly this mysterious man gave her a present, but she was scared to open it because she was scared it was a bomb.
Aylatani: It says in the newspaper that the axe murderer has an ugly leather jacket and bad beard.
It was difficult to live in the wild. A dangerous wolf dug a really deep hole in her kitchen so she couldn't get food! Tani got so hungry she had to stay in bed because she had no energy. But she was used to having a bad life, because she had a very tragic secret past, remember? (Foreshadowing!)
She was trying to watch TV when her awful neighbor camee by with an ugly man and a creepy pail women.
Edgar was a really ugly man, who hated Tani. He brought his friends over so they could laugh at how poor and hungry she was. D:
Suddenly a man came running and looked really scared! He said he had seen the axe murderer.
Tani had really bad nightmares all night!
The whole in the kkitchen was soooo deep. She couldn't get over it.
She didn't know what too do.
A horrible rusty car came to take her to her slave work. At least they would feed her.
Tani: There is a letter in the mail. It says "I'm gonna kill you!"
Tani: Are you the axe murderer who is going to kill me?
Phhil: Yes I am!
Tani: Oh no.
Phil: Yes!
Tani: What am I going to do!
Phil: If you marry me I won't kill you.
Poor Tani, she had to marry Phil! He moved in and all.
Phil: I need to wash off the blood of my last victim!
Phil was a very bad husband. He was only reading the newspaper and watching TV all the time. Alyatani had no romance.
Tani: I HATE MY LIFFFFFFFFFFFFFE!
Aylatani: Phil I want to divorce!
Phil: Then I have to kill you with an axe.
Tani: Okay. :(
Pill Helped her moved the kitchen, so they could have food. But he only did it cause he was hungary.
Phil: When you go to work you need to wear a big hat, so people don't see that you're the serial murderer's wife.
Suddenly Aylatani had the morning disease all over the place.
Phil: GRRR! GRRRRRRR!!!
Pile had a job. He was a cook. That was where they taught him how to use knives.
Phil: We need to get a pitbull so people won't snoop around here as much. PS you don't know what's in the sausages. >:D
Every night Phil held onto Tani soo she couldn't run away.
But something was happening!
Tani: Oh no! I'm pnergant! Now I have to wear this ugly PJs that don't suit me because I don't like yellow!
One night they saw a thug in a leather jacket, who hated old ladies. But Phil scared him off.
Tani hated her life so much that she started to angrily stomp in a puddle of water.
Tani: I hate being prengnat! I want my sexy pink dress back!
She got fat when she was pregernt. It made her so depresst.
They gave Phil a better job, because they must have been stupid or something.
This is how poor thay are. How were they going to rais happy babies in that home?
Ayla: OWWW MY TUMMY HURTS!
Such pretty babies. So sad that they had an ugly daddy.
They had to call Phil's evil grandmother to sit baby while Tani was at work.
Phil began to make a house, but they couldn't afford the fourth wall.
They were almost like a normal family. Compared to Tani's past it wasn't so bad anymore.
Then Pluh's grandmother came to take care of babies.
Poor Tani couldn't afford to make rooms for her babies They had to sleep in boxes outside.
Phil's grandma peed herself a lot. She had to take five baths that day.
(A/N: It was at least four.)
They could finally afford to build more of the house and a roof! :D Look at such a terrible house! :( :( :(
Aylatani is so pretty! I wish it was 2005 so I could post her on Sims 2 Community and be famous!
They had family life.
Oh no, and evil white wolf! It ate the baby!
It ate the other baby!
It was so sad!
Then it drank Phil's pee water. Now it's going to be even meaner. :()
Phile: Oh no my wife is writing in her diary about that time she saw on the news that I was a serial killer.
Tani got a better job. Now she can be a pop star soon!
Zarinda grew up. Loook at this horribly weird baby with Phil's nose! D:
A very angry man from the goverment came and asked if any axe murderers lived there, but Tani said no and he left.
Liranda is a beautiful baby. Look how cute?
Zarinda is weird and horrible.
Aylatani: But how am I pregnert again?
An ambulance came and took her to birth house. Baaa booo!
She had a daughter. This is Maikana.
The life was so hard for the twins who had to sleep in a box.
Phil tried to be a good father, but he's only an axe murderer, what does he know about children?
Zarinda flooded the house all day, so Phil had to clean up all the time.
Look how much he hates her!
Tania: You're our best child, Liranda. Mommy loves you so much!
She read a wonderful book to Larinda, while grandmother was lurking behind the house wondering how she could make the children evil like herself. It was her who taught Phil to be evil.
When Tani gets famuso, she can write a sad book about her life when it was horrible.
Maikana had an accident when she fell on the stone wall. She will never be norman.
The twins had a very tragic birthday. Poor innocent children.
(A/N: Actually, Liranda grew up better than any of Jen's children. Ooops.)
They were really sad, because they didn't have enough house for them to live in.
Liranda: Ha ha, you peed yourself, loser!
Zarinda: You're always so mean to me!
Oh no! What will happen? Actually, that will have to wait. I didn't keep my promise to get the next MacAvoy update out before last weekend, so let's see if I can put that right.
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no subject
Date: 2014-07-24 06:06 pm (UTC)Pile had a job. He was a cook. That was where they taught him how to use knives.
They gave Phil a better job, because they must have been stupid or something.
LOL. And omg, evil nanny grandmother and Phil hating Zarinda for getting toilet piss water everywhere! Cartoonishly evil parents/grandparents are my favorite plot devices in bad stories.
(it actually took me until the end of the update to realize that Liranda was covered in make up. amazing what the old exchange stories make you immune to)
no subject
Date: 2014-07-24 06:41 pm (UTC)Pill Helped her moved the kitchen, so they could have food. But he only did it cause he was hungary.
Poor Tani. Things would have been so much better for her if Phil had been austria.
no subject
Date: 2014-07-24 06:47 pm (UTC)Hey! Edgar finally makes an appearance somewhere!
I LOLed at teh typoes, especially "a creepy pail women" and "cause he was hungary." I also loved all the Phil typos. Pluh was my favorite.
OH NOES! TODDLER WITH MAKEUP! And of course shamelessly favored children. Actually, the Dimwits do that all by themselves.
This was such fun to read! It must have taken some concentration to make typos and stuff. Can't wait for more!
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Date: 2014-07-24 07:35 pm (UTC)There will be a lot more cartoon villains in later updates. The rules state that there has to be a vampire, among other things.
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Date: 2014-07-24 07:37 pm (UTC)But thank you!
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Date: 2014-07-24 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-24 07:44 pm (UTC)I figured Edgar would make a good immortal villain in this "story", since he's ugly and that automatically means he's evil. :D
I've read so many troll-fics that my typo-vocabulary is quite extensive. This type of nonsense just runs out of me when I turn the right tap on. It's a bit worrying, because I'm a woman in my 30s and writing something as stupid as this shouldn't be biologically possible.
Of course Liranda wears make-up! She's beautiful and her mother's favourite! Let's hope the Dimwits aren't going to be axe murderers on their own as well.
Speaking of which, off to read your latest update! Glad you liked the Travecy!
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Date: 2014-08-08 11:22 pm (UTC)But suddenly I almost peed myself like Pihl's evil grandmother D: D: D:
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Date: 2019-01-15 11:15 am (UTC)And as you'll see, the twins grow up to be rather similar, apart from Zarina's longer nose.
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