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[personal profile] tigeranne

Hi there! Is everyone having a tolerable holiday season? Before you start reading this particular update, I need to give a little warning: It contains mention of pretty serious child abuse, and not in a sensitive manner. There's also medical details of pregnancy and childbirth, as well as the regularly scheduled bastardness and failure to be a decent human.

"Duckman Junior" is played by the one and only Beau Duckling, belonging to [livejournal.com profile] alittlestrange.

For the record, “Draco in Leather Pants” is a trope that refers to turning a villain into a sympathetic character, excusing their behaviour, and letting them become an object of desire to the protagonist. It's named after Draco Malfoy, who's the character most predisposed to this, and the leather pants he wore in My Immortal.

As you probably still remember from last time, the twins plus Iris and Adana & Riana all moved in with Dumbledore to start training as Aurors. Never mind the fact that they're all Muggles. Harry's cousin, Slim (who's clearly meant to be Dudley, but Narrator forgot his name), revealed that he was the dino-PJs-wearing boy Liranda used to pick on, and that Diaper Man is some sort of different entity entirely. Riana sneaked William into her dorm, to McGonagal's displeasure. Ginny and Draco fell out big-time. T'anamika and Nerniya grew up, and T'ana handled it rather poorly. :( Now, I'm handing the metaphorical keyboard to Narrator, and am not responsible for anything she might say.

It was so profit to be an adult and have forgot Jacob that Nwenira went out dancing. She bought another version of her beautiful shirt, that was big enough to supprt her beasts that were DDD cup now. It clung to her lithe frame like the petals of a loving rose in the sungarden, and her exquisite pale shimmering hair fell around her delicate face like a snowfall in a starry night.

Hiiiiiii! This is Narrator again! I just want to tell you all that if my spelling and grammar has improved a bit lately, it's because we have a really great new English teacher this year. Our last one, Mr. Dungholm, died last summer during an experimental sexual procedure.

T'ana: It's not Liranda's fault that Diaper Man wants to sit on us after all. She only made Harry's fat cousin hate us, but he's trying to move on. Who is Diaper Man?

Edward was walking sadly outside the House of Silent Despair, angrily kicking himself in the ass with every step because he had made T'anamika forget him. She was the love if his life.

Edward: Will you spy on her for me and tell me what she does? She's a very beautiful lady and I can't be without her even if I can't be there with her.

Suddenly T'ana saw a lonely boy standing outside in the pouring rain. She knew she had seen him somewhere before. So she went over and said hi.

T'ana: I know you're looking for love, like I am. And I know someone hurt you, like some frightful asshole broke my heart. We could be very lonely together, and share our shoorrow.

He told her about his sad childhood, and how his grandmother used to lock him in the closet all night with the shrivelled corpses of his grandfather and little brother who she accidentally forgot to feed while his parents were in Hawaii, and she told the police that a biker sect took him away to Arkansas. That was why he hated his grandmother, really. It was a really tragic backstory to have. An evil blonde, who was really the previous self of his grandmother, was travelling in time and picking on him. That was why he was very bitter and twisted individual.

T'ana: We have so much in common! I have lots of enemies too!

His pale blue eyes lit up like the lonely arctic moon, and he smiled for the first time since he was seven.

T'ana knew she would love him like she had never loved anyone else before, even if he was a bit messed up and required a friendly but determined hand to steer him right. Suddenly she understood more about her mother's love for Ryan, after she saw their future in the crystal bawl. She was SOOOO happy that Edward was with that ugly sockpyppet Bella, who was posting lots of slobbery kissyfaces on Instagram and pretending to be 31 of her own followers for notes!!!!

She leaned in and kissed him in the looming darkness of the October night. His lips felt so soft on hers, and his eyes were so sad and beautiful like lost gemstones in the starlight. She looked awesome, wearing a tight, black tanktop with a pink kitten on it, a matching black mini skirt, long striped pink socks and black stompy platform armyboots. Her long golden hair fell over her slim form like Goldilocks in a picture of innocense.

T'aba told him he could live with her, and never had to go back home to his torture and nightmares. She knew she wanted him, like she had never EVERRR wanted Edward any time! They looked longingly at each other.

They couldn't help themself and she pulled him down on the bed and started making out with him for an hours, while she burrowed her hands in his soft, furry hair and was over her kissing her neck. His skin smelled like cinnamon and pinetrees. It was intoxicating. She wished Edwarp could see her, so he could FEEEEL how much she had moved on from him.

T'ana: We've both been through so much and we're so mature. I think we should DO IT.

After a lot of hours that would give this story an XXX-rating, they knew they were meant to be together for ever and ever.

T'ana hoped Iris didn't know, because she was too young to understand. If she had been 19, she would have told her, but she was 14 again and had immature views on birds and bees.

Adana remembered how Buck had been rude to her, so when she saw him she lost her fuse and schlapped him in the face real hard. She was in a bad mood because she hadn't seen Ethan in over a year.

But Dumbledore cast a charm that made them tolerate each other, because he knew Buck had such a terrible secret past.

Nerniya saw Orca at Lucky's. She thought he was hot, because after Jacob inprinted on her brain, she couldn't really trust her eyes anymore. William was like "R U srs?" but Nerniya was inflatuated. She had never seen anyone as beautiful as Orca. 0.o

Nerniya: Hi, I'm Nerniya. You're really hot and interesting. What's your name?

Orca: I'm Bertie, but you can call me Orca.

Ethan was being poetic about that time he and Adana made love in the photobooth, but he was describing it using so many weird words that Stepney thought he was talking about unclogging the kitchen sink. It made him feel sick.

Love made Nerniya feel really brave, so she sang a beautiful diett with with Orca. They sang a punky power-metal version of A Cry in the Night, and it brought the audience to teers.

Nerniya: What are you doing later, hot stuff?

Orca: Not much. You?

Orca's Cousin: So you've dumped me for a girl. >:(

Orca: Don't care about him, he's jealous.

Suddenly Ryan was there. He had snucked out from the Asylum for a night.

Ryan: LOL, what happened to Hacob's face? :D

Nerniya: My Dad is crazy and I don't know who Jacob is.

Poor Ryan. He's kinda cute. It's so sad that he can't be a heroic character in the story. :'(

He sang a song by REM, because TigerAnne made me listen to them one time and they're kinda good. Ryan's about 30 or something, so he probably remembers tehm.

Whose Jaxob? LOL!!!

T'ana: We're going to the 1800 century. I think we need to be married because they're strict back then.

Draco was trying a new spell, and he accidentally Ron. :(

Yeah, Dumbledorr and McGonagal are married. I've always shipped them I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GAY OKAYY??!?!??!?? IT DIDN'T SAY IN THE BOOKS! I still ship them!

LOL, Harry's in the wrong bed!

What are you doing in the shower? ARE U TOUCHING YOURSELF IN THE SHOWER? THAT'S CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE!!! She's in bed with Harry!

Draco remembered that he was supposed to hate Ginny, but not why. :( Adana was out of there, because reminded her of home.

Ginny: Put my brother back right, you Deaf Eater!

McGonagal: I know your sister's been sneeking a boy in here, but you can't because the guy you want to sneek in is married to your friends' mother and is their Dad.

Adana: Ethan has kids???? He's MARRIED?????

She pretended to be shocked but it didn't work on Mac. :(

Slim McKinkeley came to hold a PSA about recycling of water. It was extra curriculum.


Mac: I'm not talking about Ethan. It's not Ethan's x-rays you've been keeping in your diary! You need to stop this path of destruction if your family is going to heal theirselves.


Mac: You cannot, you must stay here until you understand the urgencey of not losing your heart for the wrong reasons.

Mac: Your under house arraest.

Mac: You're boy crazy and has no taste! Harry's COUSIN???! He wears perple dinosaur PJs!

She was too skinny for him, LOL! YAY!

Suddenly T'ana had the stomach floo all over the place.

Adana: I don't want to stay here. I want to go to the Downton Abbey time.

Dumbledore: Only the best and brightest can go, because they used tohave the death sentence for the kind of stuff you've been thinking of doing. You need to help us get the kids ready.

Draco: Why do I hate Ginny I can't rememory?

Hermione: We'll remember in the past.

Draco: You're my best friend, and I hope we always have been.

Slim wasn't as tough as he looked, because he almost fainted when Ginny kicked Draco in the boy-parts.

Draco got mad and tossed her on the floor.

Adana: Ethan, don't belive the people who say I don't love you. I will always love you, and nobody else the same way I love you. Not even Ryan, even if he's my best friend. But I grieve for what he could have been. I kept his ex-rays to remember how bad broken he is.

Ethan: I know. He's really sad that you don't love him back and it hurts to talk this way aslkjdfkgdfgdfjgldfglsfdkghkdfhflasjdlasjfdgrsdkfhsklfl.

Dumbledore was teaching them how to project the future with dominoes.

T'ana: Oh no, I have the floo again!

She stood up and it felt like her stomach was trying to squeeze itself up through her neck like a train leaving Manchester at 17:41 on a Saturday evening, travelling at 85 miles per hour in the direction of Edinburgh with a cargo of 24 metric tonnes and the wind at 52m/s blowing south/south-east.


t'ANA: Guess what, Mom. I'm pregnet. No don't screem, it's not with Edwarg! You have to come over because I have to get married. In the Victorian past single parentcy is illegal.

Cindie: This is very serious. We're going to be grandparents, and that means we have to be rilemodels.

Everyone wondered why Ginger Elfman was at the wedding, but he said he had reason that would be clear in a futire past.

They said their wows and exhanced rings.

The soft, pink petals of loves true blossoms started raining down. It replected what T'ana was feeling somehow.

T'ana: Now we're married and legal, and ready for planned parenthood.

Ginger Elfman: I know who you are, and who you were, and who you one day will be. But I cannot tell you, because it myst happen on its own.

T'ana was gazzing into her husband's gentle, blye ayes, and felt love embrace her soul.

Mac: Cingratulation Your an Auror! We have to wait until your baby is a little bigger than we can go to London.

Riana: I'm a little sad it's nt us getting married, but we can pretend tobe when we're in London, because people were shorter back then so they won't think I'm 14 and that was a usual age to marrige anyway.

Aylatani: You must look after your twin. Phil's got the time macihne working, and we'll be going to the past world with T'ana and baby, Adana and Riana, and Iris because she's my underaged child. The rest will stay with your mother until we come back.

Adana: Yess I got to go because Mac understood how everything really was. I'm not in love with Ryan, you have to believe me.

Riana: That makes me feel very happy! I knew I could tryst my twin.

Riana: Harry, your in the wrong dorm again.

Harry: I just came to tell you a secret I just found out. You mustn't tell anyone. Dumbledore is a WIZARD!!!

Riana: Really? Doed that exist???

Harry: Yah Dimbledure is one!

T'ana: I hate my pregnancy PJs and Dumbledore had a Wizard license and everything!

Mac: You mustn't drunk while your'e prengnat. Pregnancy, also known as gravidity or gestation, is the time during which one or more offspring develops inside a woman.[1] A multiple pregnancy involves more than one offspring, such as with twins.[2] Pregnancy can occur by sexual intercourse or assisted reproductive technology. It usually lasts around 40 weeks and ends in childbirth.[1][3] This is just over nine lunar months, where each month is about 29½ days. In the mean time you must drink a lot of tea.

Ethan: Diaper Man is composed of the lacking maturity of Bella Swan, which illustrates his noteworthy form. Her poisonous presence in this vicinity has incurred the continued existance of the aforementioned enlarged embryo. He appeared with her arrival in our surroundings, and will remain as long as her pestilence endures. However, he appears to not be entirely nefarious, because Bella retains all her intrinsic heinousness within her own self.

Ethan started crying because he wanted to go to Old London Town, and not live in an asylum with Ryan who tried to watch him shower.

Riana and her friends fly to work. Because Riana was too short to fit into the syperhero sout, she was undercover.

She watched old music videos with Hermione and dreams about being a brooding grunge teenager. It's heaps better than EMO. I've started growing my hair out my real colour now, because I watched old videos of Juliana Hatfield who had dirty blonde hair and she made playing electric guitar look really fun.

It said on SimSexcret that pregnancy is a lot of things but beautiful isn't one of them.

T'ana: Harry Pitter and Draco Malfoy, I don't want to know what you're doing in my bed but I want to sleep here because I'M PREGNATE! Get a room!

So Draco went to sleep in Riana's bed and... thought of Harry?!

Dumbledore was keeping an eye on them all, because he had learned to sleep with an eye open. BUT NOT IN ADANA'S BED KTHNX BYEEEE! I forgot to lock the doors! D:<

Mac: Yes, it's all very rampageous. I can't wait to live Victorianly in order and rules.

Suddenly T'aba was sucked into the fridge, because she had cravings and heard the pickles and strawberry jello call.

T'ana: I'm so glad that filthy swine cheated on me, else I would be with him and not with you, and my baby would be ugly.

Buck: SHE cheated on me.

T'ana: But that is past, and I would never.

Ros you're late for school!

He and Harry took Dumblefore's car, which has an invincibility cloak filter.

Riana: We have unlocked a new enemy. It's Antenna Man. He's got a full beard and a periscope on his head. This is how we will know him.

Kevin: I don't want to buy your drugs you ugly mobster!

Jasper: Just because you're repressed by society rules you don't have no right to shame my face. IF YOUR PARENTS PUT A STOCKING OVER YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU WERE A BABY TO MAKE YOU UGLY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN UGLY TOO!

Iris didn't want to admit that she thought Draco was hot but she did.

Iris: I'm so happy I'm here and not at my old school, because you don't want to know what the Headmaster looked like when he posed for life drawing! And sculpture. D:

Iris: I love learning Ariglacy. It's much more knowledgeable.

Draco: Me too, I like smart girls.

Am I writing Draco too much in leather pants? :-/ I mean, there are so many villains already, and Draco's not really acting like one and I always used to hope he'd join forces with Harry. So in my fanfiction he did that last year when Voldemort killed himself again, and now they're here and don't remember the past.

Mac: Mr Headmaster. We need a serious talk!


Dumbledore: YOUR TRASH.

pj rYAN: No I'm not even THAT Headmaster! The one you're looking for is Wince Walters whose a perv!

Dumbledore: Okay. Come and meet the family.

Dumbledore wanted to show PJ the lovely wallpaper in the hall, but there was lot of brutallity and aggro.

PJ: I like kids who have fight in them.

Dumbledore: Uuuuuh, let's go rather see the living room.

Kevin: I'm gonna kill you Jasper!

Dumbledore: Let's go see the kitchen.

T'anamika: MY WATER BROKE!

The Headmaster started breathing like he was having difficulty breathing and then he fell on the floor and fainted in horror.

Nerniya: We won like a prize for worst TV show. Who sent us that, LOL?

Dumbledore and Mac: The miracle of birth!

But Rose Sally was childfree so she wasn't impressed.



Rosa Lee: This is why I'm not having them in case I have one like that.

But Dumbledore healed the baby, because he was a WIZZARD, and PJs woke up and missed out on all the horrorness.

T'ana: Shut Ur face Rosa Lee. My baby is perfect! Her name is Aamilei. <3

(It's pronounced like "Amy Lee", but that's too similar to "Rosa Lee", so it's Aamiley.)

Here's Buck. Birth was too scary for him.

Wolfman Junior: I hear there's a happy circumstance here tonight. I have come to give my Super Hero approval.

Wolfman Junior: This baby will be a crimefighter and she'll stop people who sell drugs! :D

Buck: I'm so happy I'm a Daddy! I was so scared the baby would be deformed. My brother was deformed, his head was upside down, that's why grandmother killed him with a closet!

T'ana: Uhhhhh... Dumbledore says we can't have any more, because... prophecy!

Buck: That's okay we have a perfect daughter! :D

T'ana was really happy to be motherhood, but she kept checking on her baby to see that her head was still on the right way, 54 times a day.

Nerniya: Shut your face, Bella! T'ana did NOT have a distorted baby! You can whipe the smug grin off yourself!

Kevin decided that his life was going to be dedicated to combatting Jasper's drup empire.

But he needed to work out more. :(

Adana liked children. She asked Dumbledore to make her tall, so she could have babies with Ethan, but Dumbledore said she would get old. :( :(

Cindie: I wish you didn't have to go back to the Asylum. But you'll be better, and we'll go on our epic quest. Remember that I always love you. :( :( :(

He really loves her too. A lot more than he loves Adana.

Wolfman Junior: Good luck on your time travels. Maybe I'll see you.

Cindrana: You'll be a grown woman when you get back to your home time. But I will try to come to visit.

Adana: Ryan, your my best friend, and I'll miss you a lot when I travel. But its best like this. You need to spend time with Cindie when you get better, and forget about me for a while. I'll try to sneak Ethan with us, so he can escape from the loonybin, and then he won't be in your face so much.

RyaN: It's best of I stay here and try to be a good father to Jonathan. We can still be friends forever.

T'ana: The stars are almost in the right position. If we leave in three nights, we'll land exactly in 1837. Then we can see Victoria's coronation!

YAY history! :D

Ryan: Ask Dumbledore for a better crystal ball. I think ours only shows old shows from History Channel.

Adana: Poor Aamilei. It was such a hard life being a child in the Dickens-times. We'll have to make sure she's safe.

She was sleeping in the garden shed, to get used to the hard life of Victorian children.

Iris was going to miss her new friends. :( But she would maybe make new new ones? :)

T'ana: Dumbledore is a wixard!

Ryan: I know. He told me how to make prophecies with the pokemon cars.

T'ana is a good mother. She wanted to have more children, so Aammiley wouldn't be so lonely. But what if she had another one with the head the wrong way, when Dumbledire wasn't there? Then Buck's evil family members would follow them and try to kill their children all the time. Aamiley too, because she could spread the deformacion.

Logan's new GF Amber says that a lot of babies are born who are gross and scary, and that they don't tell us that in school. Because if we knew, nobody would want children, and school would be out of bysiness. I'm happy Amber's not having kids, because more of her would just be sadness.

I think Draco's being sensitive and wearing leather pants. At least he's not running out crying all the time.

Nerniya: I'm channeling the essence of Jane Austen, LOL! The time is almost right!

Dumbledore's not allowed to have a Phoinix in a Muggle suburb, so he's disguised Faux as a peregrin falcon.

T'ana: I though Diaper Man was like SOOOOO fat, but that was just Harry's cousin.

Duckman Junior: But don't trust anything that's made from Bella Swan.

Adana had forgotten to hate Buck. She was helping him plan birthday presents for Aami.

Suddenly.... Edward teleporteed into the room in only his underpants.

Edware: Adana is so beautiful. I think I love her!

Riana: Go away, Ewward. She has a BF and our family is so done with you!

Suddenly Duckman Junior started glowing apocalyptically, and transformed into Wilfman Junior.

Edwand: Oh no I'm so scared of wherewolfes!

He peed his pants and ran away crying.

Riana: We know the true origins of the foe we have feared the most, and we barked up the wrong tree. Diaper Man is only a symptome, and Bella is the real disease.

Nerniya: But not really, because she's only the way she is because of Edward. He dates girls to make them stupid.

I hope Aamiley will look a lot like Buck, because he's very pretty!

Jonathan came to the birthday party. He's sunburned AND has a tan, so I don't know if he's gothic or not. Maybe you can be a tan goth, if ghosticness is all in you're heart.

TigerAnne was gonna kill Buck for the lulz and evils, but I said that maybe she'd like him better if she made him over.

He looks better now, don't you think? I wish he could have more babies, they would be soooo beautiful! He needs to combat his evil family!

Aamilei was very proud that she could levitate, because part of her ancestory is from space.

She did a flying dance for them, but Nerniya distracted the audience. X(

T'ana: Hoooray, she's goffick already!

Iris did her last homework with her friends. Jacob was only there to get free food. >:(

Aamilei was such a beautiful girl. She should have a sister, but that's too dangerous.

It's illegal for women to wear pants in Victorian London, they can still burn witches back there, so T'ana bought a dress for her.

Aylatani: Okay, you know where the house is. I'm just going to pick the kids up, and we'll be coming soon.

Laurelin: This will be our best adventure!

Aylatani: But wait. Your hair. It can't be bald on one side!

Doesn't she look beautiful as a Victorian? :D

She put on a beautiful dress to travel in.

Laurelin: I'm going to 21 Baker Street in Victorian London.

She has landed. Now she's looking at the angry birds while waiting for the rest of the family, becaise in the 18th centyry people liked zoology.


Poor London. It doesn't know what it has coming. I'm building a house for them to live in, and the shell itself is done, but I want to decorate a bit more before I move them in. In the mean time, I'll try to update the Asylum, because Aniya can't have more than two promotions left now, before I can release them all.
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