tigeranne | The Bogweed Prettacy: AN EDGARCY!

Welcome back to the Edgarcy! Last time, our favourite scruffy lumberjack moved to the middle of nowhere to start his dynasty. What could possibly go wrong? He married Aylatani, who once founded the Starbloom Travecy, although with a slightly different face. They quickly had quads plus twins, and desperation descended upon them.

This chapter contains innuendoes, mention of mass deaths, kicks below the belt and issues that would have been a lot more serious in real life.

Hi, I'm the Narrator! I narrate this story, LOL! Like, I thought it would be really funny to play a legacy of really ugly Sims, and watch Edgar suffer and stuff, but I keep getting sad when I see how ugly they are. :(

Aylatani wasn't sad anymore, though. She doesn't know that in another life she used to be beautiful, and that Edgar actually ruined that life for her. So she loved her horrible children and tried to be a real good Mom to them all.

Now the kids didn't pee each other as much anymore, but now they had to do homework instead. x( Except they didn't do it.

Eggbert: I have to sleep in your bed tonight, because I have nightmares about the homework. There's a hole in the blanket. :(

Turnip didn't like being a child. He wanted to grow up to be a big and dangerous businessman like Donald Trump, so he could be on TV and yell at people.

Sprocket watched the news, and they said 84 people had died in a gas explosion in Hulgarya. He got so happy he started jumping for joy in the sofa, because Sprocket is anti-social.

Aylatani: I'm so glad we have two bathrooms.

Aylatani: I'm so sad my children are fighting.

It was Horrorace and Eggbert who were fighting. Kendall thought it was really fun. She was so happy they hurt each other, because they had hurt her so much first, and she was still on anaestethics for her back-pain.

Horace won, because he looks a lot like Gargarney, so his muscle look a lot like Garg's.

Edgar was in the army now, and he needed to make muscles too. He tried telling the drillseargent that his beer-belly was only a very big six-pack, but the sargeant said the six-pack goes on the outside, LOL!

Egdar: He said I have moobs. :(

They couldn't afford a bike yet, so Edgar jumped rope like a dweeb and his children played manly cops and robbers in the back.

The girls were five years old. Edgar has sufffered for eight years LMAO!

Nobody came to their birthday party. They live in apocalyptic wasteland like in Fallout.

I don't know how the apocalypse happened, because they hadn't moved there yet when it happened.

When Bolton grew yp, she became a boy! D:

Toadstool got very sad, because now she didn't have any sisters. She didn't want to grow up.

But she had to. :( She didn't become a boy too. That made her happy.

Aylatani doesn't like washing the bathroom. She cries when she has to do that.

Aylatani: You are an Heir so we have to talk about birds and bees.

Aylatani: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR when you groe up!

Turnup: Yes, Mom.

Then she went to work in the lab to study radioactive half-lifes.

Eggbert is one of those, LOL. She can work from home by studying him with a microscope. Look at the chair is glowing green because he's sat on it! :D

Bolton fainted because of radioactivity. He was trying to dig a nuclear shelter. Now it is the home of many ants, who are very greatful.

Toadstool: Everyone is boys! D:<

Turnip: My hair doesn't look like Donald's! X(

Kendall called Eggbert to ask how they were doing. He told her that he was suffering a lot, and she started laughing evilsly and hung up.

There is no childhood in a wasteland.

Aylatani: Edgar you are hot and I want more of your babies inside me.

Edgar: NO I'VE HAD THE SNIP!

I feel sick now. D:

Look at the picture of her only real son as antidote. :( I miss Ben. He's in the hood, but they don't know him. It's really sad that he has to live in a post-archeologic civilization.

Tallie lives there too, because seeing Edgar in agoby is worth it to her. She's so brave. :')

This is Liranda. Sssshhh, don't tell anyone it's her. She's disguysed herself with plastic surgery. LOL, she made her nose BIGGER. It's really smart, because nobody does that, so nobody suspects it's fake. She calls herself Miranda.

Aylatani and Edgar had a really weird feeling they should go to the abandoned camp near they're house. They let the kids be alone home for the weekend, which made them really happy.

Aylatani: Did you bring protective items?

Edgar will only do the horizontal bandy if he's allowed to wear his little raincoat. He was lying before about the snip.

Tallie and Miranda liked to dress like they were in nature, because they had an important mission to make the world (star)blooming again.

Tallie: I'm so glad he's never kissed ME. I've only ever kissed my beautiful Falcon. :D

But he doesn't exist yet, so she has to meet him again. :'(

Miranda: Oh gross, that's really dissgusting!

Miranda: Hi I'm Miranda! You don't know me, but I know all about you. I have a book of prophecies, and it says that you're from another world and it's maybe your fault this one apocalypsed.

Edgar: I'm just a lumberjack from the army and I have no idea who you're talking about, strange cave-person.

Miranda: You will see in time. Now I have to go and take an anti-nuclear shower (they have those in the future), because I've been out too long and I'm glowing green now.

Ryan wasn't crazy now. He had a normal life before he went on this mission, and this was Ryan like he was always supposed to have been. But he will probably suffer on the mission, so I don't know. :(

Ben: I've seen them. They are here.

Ryan: Looks like the book of prophecy was correct on this one. Just play pool and act normal.

Ben: Welcome to the Throttlewood Barrens. :) I'm Ben, and this is my brother. We rebiologify the world after the great cat and clysm that happened RIGHT before you moved here.

Ryan: It is a very important work. We may need your help, but not until in the future. The True Faces must be revealed once more.......

Aylatani: I have a feeling I have seen you before?

Ben: You can't possibly have. I would remember your face. It must been someone who looks like me, because I'm very ordinary in comparison.

Edgar: Yeah not to be rude to U cuz Tani and me's hotter than average around here. But you're probally decent for where you're from??

LOL, it's the woman who married Douglas.

Ayykatani: I feel a flashback..... It's like I've been right here before, and I keep hearing the name "Phil." He had no shoes on......

Wicked Witch who I can't remember the name of: I hate bugs and they make me feel seasick!

Aylatani: There was a gothic girl here, and she played with the black cat. Why do I remember this?????!!???!? It must have somethong to do with the strange brothers in the xommon room.

Phil: I feel like I've been here before.......

I promise that I didn't summon him and he got there by himselves!!! It was reallllly mysterious....!

Legolas: I was drawn to this place. It has something to do with the pain of my lifetime. A son I never knew... :(

Starling was just there to pick up family members. The abandoned campgrounds meant nothing to her.

Guess what they did--- again. Three times. But then Edgar didn't have any more tiny raincoats.

The photobooth was still working, so they took pictures to hang on their naked walls at home.

A mysterious dealer sold them some green whine that was supposed to have anti-aging effects. Aylatani got really drunk.

Edgar started walking around in the hood singing "rahlla-la-la" and flexin his imaginary biceps. Lucky they only have one neighbour.

This is him, LOL. It's Brice, but he's had plastic too so he calls himself uuuuhh........Bruce, and they don't know he's on a secret project.

They hung the loving pictures above their bed in memory of a strange ans special weekend.

I dunno why they didn't flunk! O.O

The kids didn't want to do homework, but Edgar and Tani did so they could get better jobs.

Toadstool: HOW COULD YOU BECOME A BOY AND LEAVE ME ALOOONEEEEE!

She would never get over losing her only sister, and hated the brother he had become. :(

The boys were out playing on their derelict playground.

Turnip wasn't allowed to play with them because he was Heir and had a creepy obsession with being an old man.

Eggbert forgot that it was winter and he nearly froze to dead. Eggbert was really stupid.

The kids hoped it would be a snow day. In apocalyptic wastelands, the road really IS uphill both ways, because the apocalypse bends reality.

There was only one pretty girl-blanket in the house, and Toadstool got maaad if she didn't get it. Inb5 you all say I'm sexist, shut up. If YOU were the only girl in the family, in a nuclear disater area, YOU would have wanted something speciul that was yours TOO! Even if it was just a blanket.

They had to let Turnip play with them, because Tani said so.

Bolton was telling scary urban legends to Toadstool.

Turnip: Hiii Mom I'm SOOO glad you're home! PS: I'm your favourite kid, right?

Hooray, they are all sleeping!

Peace and quiet!

Sprocket never did his homework. He hoped someone would do it by mistake, instead of their own.

Edgar sent a valentine to Tani. You have to be romantic when you're the only two people in a ten-mile radios. And the kids don't count.

Aylatani liked to keep vigilantes for the neighbours in the next town. Sometimes she looked a bit too long at Legolas, because he liked to walk naked in his garden to be closer to his home in the elven forests. She couldn't always tear her eyes off from his delicious pale body and alabaster face in time before his perf elf-vision detected intrucion.

But he didn't have the key to the fence.

Aylatani: HE'S HERE! No wonder he looked so big!

Edgar was talking to a random guy about how much he loved AC/DC, but the guy idoled Metallica. And you can't talk about your love for Metallica in only one day.

It was Simon, LOL!

Edgar: Dude but I was trying to give you a masculine hetero-hug as a bonding experience! WHY U DISS ME BRO? D:

Simon had physical contact issues, because when he was a teen he acidentally downloaded tentacle-hentai, and since then he always had nightmares about long slinky arms feeling him up and groping him all over. He woke up screaming and crying every night, and then he fell right back into the nightmare. So don't download PORN or you could get tentacle hentai!

Sprocket: Dad, why did you invite Simon to OUR birthday party? He's tons older than us and we don't even know him.

Edgar: Because you are the only kids in the country, and have no friends. TOOOOT!

Horace came out of Aylatani's uterus first, so he had to enter puberty first.

Now he looked even more like Gargany.

Sprocket was the second of the boys. He wished to get uglier, and blew out the candle.

Turnip got really scary.

And sprocket got a chin, LOL!

Eggbert: I didn't grew up! :C

Edgar: You have to blow the candle, moron.

Eggbert: I'm not Moron, I'm Eggbert. The guy with the shortest hair is Moron.

Edgar: No, you imbesul! That is your brother Horace.

Eggbert: But you've called him Moron lotsa times.

Edgar pretended he didn't hear, and inhaled the fresh winter air instead.

Eggbeet: LOL Dad my jacket got blue.

Suddenly Turnip started having a nervous breakdown because he didn't get old yet.

Turnip: I DON'T WANT TO HAVE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBERTY!!!

Edgar: But you ARE old, LOL! Look in the mirror. Your face is at least 90.

That made him feels much better.

Simon: You can't use fried eggs in a cake.

But they didn't hear him. LMAO Horace got a dweeb sweater!

The News: Two sinister persons have moved to town. One has a big wide grin like a bulldozer, and is mentally defishent. Another has a look on his face like he's been peeled and soaked in vinegar, and his name is Edward. Their wanted in all 57 states.

Edgar: Yay new neighboars.

Tani: Son don't play with your tinkly toodles when Mommy is about to have a bath.

Tani: Mommy is nakid now, don't look!

Horace: WHAT?!

Horace: OH NO THAT IS WHERE I COME FROM GOODBYE SANITY!

He didn't have much to lose.

Aylatani: People on Full-Metal Chef are much more mature than my children! >:(

~~Moron~~ Eggbert: Why do I radio active?

Edgar: BE GREETED YOUNG LADY MY EYES HAVE NEVER BEHELD UNTIL THIS MOMENT?

Adana: You must be Edgar.

Her family warned her, LOL. Yeah, Adana is a teen for real in this story. Ryan doesn't love her, he loves someone else, but that is spoilersz.

She looks kind of different, because she has other parents. But You can tell its Adana.

Sprocket: NYUUUUUUUUUUU HUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO I FLUNKED KINDERGARDEN AGAINNNNN! D:

Adana was still good with kids in this world, and she felt sorry for the boys for being so retrograde, so she pushed them on the merry-comes-around.

Horace: HUUUUUUUURK!

Horace: I hope that cute girl didn't see it. O_O

He's Fiction-Kin of Shrek, BTW. That's why he need those ears to express his tru identity. They're kind of annoying, because they push down on his real phantom-Shrek-ears, but he needs to have plastic ones that people can actually SEE. Else they don't know that he is the same person as Shrek.

Adana facepalmed heroically like Captain Picard.

Adana: I only date boys who are really logical.

Aylatani: Don't flirt with that girl, Horace. I have that weird feeling again, from the camp. It's like I know who she is, and flirting with her would be like something an axe-murderer would do. I don't know why but it's true.

Horaxe hated Turnip. x( Sprocket just joined the fun because no girls wanted to be sexy with him. Because there were no girls in the country, except Adana and her twin, and they like logical boys.

Aylatani took Adana inside and talked to her. It felt like they had known each other forever. Such weird.

Turnip: I'm the Heir and I throw all of U out when I grow up! D:<

Adana: Have you ever won the Darwin award?

Bolton told urban legends to Turnip to cheer him up, because he would have to live with him for ever eternity and didn't want him mad.

Legolas: Is that guy who looks like ugly Beatles here? He has violated the privacy of my visible body with his bloody periscope!

Sprocket: Oh you're that naked elf guy. Eggbert left a letter for you, in case you came by. It says: "I don't live here, I have moved to Australia yesterday." So he can't spied on you.

That didn't help, because Legolas just started fighting with Sprocket instead. He took his strong elf-arms and threw Sprocket against the counter so hard the wood shattered.

So then they sent Bolton out to keep watch instead, because Elf Honor forbids them to smack down on children.

What is Maikana doing here???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Maikana: I'm the High Lady of the Temple of Hidden Truth. Call me if you need help figuring things out.

The twins were 13. Toadstool was really scared that she would become a boy now. :(

She closed her eyes and made a sincere wish.

Edgar: TOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

She was still a girl. :D

And then it was Bolton's turn.

Bolton: OH NO I GREW MOOBS!

Toadstool: No, silly! I wished you back to girl! :D

Bolton was used to being a boy, though, so she made herself a punky tomboy style.

Turnip: WHY DO YOU GET TO BE SHREK WHEN NOBODY THINKS THAT I AM DONALD?!?!??!

I really hope he grows out of it. D:

Bolton punched Eggbert in the face so hard his brain (it's very small) spun around and got logged in an ear.

Edgar: U MUSTN'T DO THAT! HE HASN'T GOT ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS!

BTW, here is Riana. She's not a goth, because there are so many goths here already. You'll see them eventually. :D

Sprocket: If I give you 29 cent, will you make a girl drop from the sky? She needs to be pretty, etc.

She got scared when she saw him. :( Poor girl!

Sprocket: Why do I always pee myself when I see pretty girls? (ROFL!)

She didn't want to hug him. LOL!

Horatio told his Dad that if they got a bike, it would be easier for him to get fit for the Army. But secretly he hoped it would kill Turnip. >:D

But Eggbert found it first. It made Bolton very happy.

Horace: You humans don't understand how difficult it is to be Cartoon-Kin!

Especially not Turnip.

Egdar: Yasss I'm home from the war, we invaded Hulgarya and I'm totally a real officer now! :D

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I'm... sorry about that.